Wedding Ceremony Traditions that can GTFO


These dogs have had their day.

It’s Friday and I thought I'd take aim at some wedding ‘traditions’ that can in my opinion just die already. There’s so few legally required things to include in your wedding ceremony so it’s really free reign! I love to cobble together a bangin’ personal celebration for my couples and they’re often surprised not only at what we can include but what can totally be left out. 

Ceremonies should be 20-25 minute affairs that totally hum- lots of fun and laughter/ some personal tunes and a few tear jerking moments during the vows before finishing with a big bang of joy and massive vibes.

And none of the below:

Readings for the sake of having them. Only include them if they’re going to enhance the ceremony and add to the personal vibe of it ie your favourite poem/ novel/ song lyrics/ quote etc. Can be amazing if relevant but if it’s not what’s the point?

Old school lame arse rituals like unity candles and sand ceremonies. Ugh. Why?

There’s so many modern ways to honour people in the ceremony or make a statement about the togetherness of a family etc that do not require these things. A good celebrant will know exactly what’s right for you and give you options.

Releasing doves/ balloons/ butterflies. Just no. Totally lame. Plus butterflies don’t live long and spend probs half their lives in a box for you to release them. Just leave them alone to flutter free for their short pretty life. I’ve heard stories of doves being snapped up by hawks on their release (not ideal) or shitting on guests (hilarious and I’m gutted to have not seen it). Again- leave em be. Please. Balloons I shouldn’t have to explain. This is an unequivocal NO. Basically a statement that you are completely bereft of environmental consideration. No sea turtle is going to be eating a piece of glitter latex on my shift, ever.

Bonbonierre. I know I’ll upset some traditional teacups saying this but honestly: save yourself the trouble. Every time I MC a wedding there’s literally tens of them left on the tables. Left alone and unloved. Two things: people will be pretty sauced so they’ll just kinda forget to take them or they have no bag/ an evening bag and they don’t want to put a mini potted succulent in it. The sentiment is lovely but why not donate to a charity for each guest and have that printed on their menus- or just be happy that you providing an awesome day/ evening of free meals and drinks plus entertainment is all the gift you need to give. Peace!

Giving away of the bride. Where the celebrant asks ‘Who gives this bride to be wed?’ Lots of my brides tell me straight up there’ll be none of that because you know- they’re adult women who are not owned by their parents. I concur. Not necessary. Traditional. Naff.

Feeling compelled to walk the aisle with your Dad. This can be lovely if you love the shit out of your Dad and he’s a stand up dude. If yours is a dick like mine, leave it out. You don’t have to walk with anyone- you can walk in on your own. If you’re nervous it’s nice to have someone with you though- and even one on either side. Your Mum, your Mum and Dad, auntie, bestie, sister, dog- or walk in with your partner if you want. No rules people.

An Asking that includes words like ‘cherish’ or ‘obey’. Fuck that. A modern Asking where you’re asked questions and then answer with I do/ I will, Hell yeah etc can be a brilliant segue to vows but do it well. Keep it this century yeh?

Signing after the rings. Celebrants be divided on this one but I’m a big after the ceremony advocate. Why? Because it’s pretty boring, no one is that interested in it and is the biggest energy sucker ever. After the rings and kiss I want that vibe heading north allll the way to the after party. I’ll let your feet touch the ground first, get you a drink and sign 15 minutes after the ceremony with just your witnesses and parents. Don’t even start me on those little signing tables with the white tablecloth on them. Not. A Fan. Let’s just do it on the bar, on a wine barrel, a car bonnet or on a clipboard on each other’s backs. Or make that table eclectic/ funky/ vintage with some personality.Cool yeh?  Make those shots the photographer hates taking a little interesting.

Bouquet Toss. Sorry, I just cringe at this. A gaggle of drunk girls desperately going after a bunch of flowers you pay $100 for. Up there Cazaly. No

Removing of a bridal garter. Ugh. That’s all I got. I don’t want to see your partner deep diving for polyester lace whilst I’m eating my dessert. Sing a song together/ do a funny dance together/ have a shot/ do a cheeky quiz but please leave the under skirt biz for the bedroom.

Finally.. those bloody horseshoe things people give brides to hang off their arms. Couldnnnnnn’t!! I know older people think it’s the done thing but straight up get the word out before your wedding that you don’t want any of them. Those polyester and plastic lace numbers have been ruining wedding shots for like ever. I can’t tell you how many of these I’ve taken off brides and hidden in the bride’s mums bag. Just don’t even on the horsehoe. Wanna wish good luck? How about a toast? Or just say it. Be gone with shitty horseshoes hanging off arms and being dropped on the ground, getting tangled in beautiful bouquets and ruining the vibe of your very expensive dress. Bye bye.